Heartfelt & Hopeful Reflection

In the middle of the pandemic, I am grateful for many things. I know I have plenty of food, a roof over my head, and money to pay my bills. I try to express gratitude for remaining well throughout this attack from a monster virus. I am thrilled and humbled to be in remission from my cancer. I am most grateful for my friends, family, and my church family.

But I am also sad. I miss going out almost every day with my many friends and talking to them by the hour. I am sad my sister and I cannot fly to see each other since we live in separate states. I worry constantly about once simple trips like going to the pharmacy or grocery store, while putting on masks and gloves and extra paraphernalia. I miss my church services desperately. Having church online and in Zoom meetings is fine, but I want to see everybody!

I feel sad for my 15 ½ year old dog. She deserves to have her twilight years to be good ones, after a lifetime of service to me. She is no longer able to take even short walks due to crippling arthritis. At this age, her biggest pleasure is going to a restaurant, sitting on her blanket, watching the customers and sometimes getting a piece of cheese or a “pup cup” filled with whipped cream at Starbucks. She can’t even have those simple pleasures now. She stands by the door waiting for our trips with a pathetic expression of not understanding! I tell her I do not understand what is happening either.

I am sad for all the people around the world losing their loved ones, battling a virus, or on the front lines afraid to go home and expose their families to this monster.

But can I say this? Some cultures are based on keeping a “stiff upper lip” and never admitting you have a problem. Saying you are depressed is not allowed. I was raised in a home like this. One of my most vivid memories was not knowing where my mother was after the funeral for her only beloved sister, and finding out she was in the bathroom throwing up. She never allowed herself to cry in public because that stoic German-British heritage haunted her. I learned not to do that.

My point is this. We are trying to hold each other up, be strong, not complain and tough it out during this terrible time. We feel guilty to say anything because so many people are worse off than we are. But it is OK to have our down days, our depressed days, and our days we want to give up. We should never be embarrassed. We need on these darker days to admit it, and that we are human. One of the shortest, most poignant verses of the Bible is two words. “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35).

We weep too, and hold each other up, support each other and know that tomorrow the sun will rise and things will get better. We will feel hope again.

[We have been blessed by many visits from Jane at PUCC. She has facilitated some Adult Education sessions over the years and brought Sita to PUNS many moons ago! We love and appreciate you, Jane! Prayers for your health and wholeness! Peace ]